woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
I'm experimenting with sincerity
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
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