It was confusing and full of hummus
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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