also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
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