He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
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