I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
Randomize
