If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
Randomize