i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize