i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
Edward fifth and chaser hands
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
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