I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
you guys were way drunker than both of me
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
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