textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
