I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
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