i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
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