I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
Randomize
