i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
