The maid of honor just puked.
it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
Randomize
