he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
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