A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
Someone shattered a urinal.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
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