There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
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