nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize