the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
Randomize
