I am puke
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
