ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
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