I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
