so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
Randomize
