Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
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