I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
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