We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
My dad just said "fuck circus"
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
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