instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
