No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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