You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
Randomize
