No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize
