I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
