dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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