was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
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