Do you still have your period?
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
Randomize