I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
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