left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
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