he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
