If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
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