Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Randomize