If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
