i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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