i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
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