OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
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