did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Randomize
