I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
