At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
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