i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
Randomize
