I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
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