Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
