i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
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