I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
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