You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
