i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
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