so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Randomize
