Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
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