oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
there was a trapeze. enough said
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
it's great music for shaving your balls
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
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