She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
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