I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
Randomize
