In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
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