Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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