I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Randomize
