Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
Just puked most of my soul out..
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