just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
I wear drunk well.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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