I'm going to rape someone's good day.
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
