TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Randomize
