You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
