Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
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