dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
it hurts more in the daytime
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
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