woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
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