the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize