this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
Randomize
